God forgive me …

so what have I done now, you may well wonder if I’m asking God to forgive me as the title to this post… well wonder no more for I will tell you exactly what I have done.  But be warned it isn’t exactly pretty.  In fact it is rather all to common in my life.  And I’m still working on changing this habit.
I began this habit at a young age … and I fear so has so many others ~ in fact we think of it as several things so it can be difficult to realize the damage it causes until it is just too late.  
Gossip.  This is the official name of my offense, however because I really don’t talk about anyone behind their back it seems like there should be another name for it and until recently I had no idea that there was!   I’ve been slowly reading through the book by Lois Tverberg with Bruce Okkema titled: Listening to the Language of the Bible   Hearing It Through Jesus’ Ears  and when I got to their description of The Evil Tongue well it really opened my eyes to some of my bad habits.  My heart was pierced to recognize that I am guilty of hurting others based on things I have said.  Now mind you I said them directly to them, or in front of them not necessarily behind their back.  Which I think is even worse.  I do try not to say anything about anyone that I would not be willing to say to their face.  However as I read about the Evil Tongue and how sarcastic speech is just as damaging well my heart sank.  I have been sarcastic for as long as I can remember.  It is something I’ve disliked about myself for just as long.  
I realize now that the habit of speaking so poorly was at first a defensive action on my part.  Growing up with a family that often jested with one another with a lot of sarcastic wit put me in a position of often having to be able to respond with just as much sting as I was being stung with or suffer the deluge of verbal abuse that was sure to follow.  Honestly it was normally all meant in good fun… but when did it stop being just humorous and start being defensive and intended to sting?   I can’t pinpoint just when that happened for me but I do know it’s been years of working on stopping my tongue from lashing out at others for no apparent reason other than they said or did something mistakenly in my hearing or presence.  
So why now make this all public?  Well I noticed I even will respond to facebook posts with a sarcastic bent ~ why???? I wish I knew what motivates me to respond this way but since I don’t have any strong answers to share I think I’ll concentrate on seeking God’s help in changing this as well as all my other bad habits.  I know asking for forgiveness isn’t a ‘cure all’ but it’s the first step in getting help. 
For anyone out there that has been hurt directly or indirectly by my sarcasm I am truly sorry.  I hope nothing I have said to you directly or indirectly has caused you any suffering.  I read how this is worse than stealing since a thief could return what they stole whereas one can not take back the words they’ve spoken, nor can one repair a damaged reputation ~ and let’s face it we do this daily when we pass on the email jokes of those in the public eye pointing out all their faults, whether it is their poor sense of fashion, or their ineptitude in speech, or missteps or mistakes made where a witness was able to report back about it so what might have been nothing much has been spread all over the world through the wonderful world wide web.
I realize my sharing this isn’t earth shattering news, nor is it a complete ‘cure’ for me instantly from this moment on however I hope it will keep me thinking before I speak and perhaps help you to stop and think before you pass on any tidbits about your friends, family or even complete strangers.  The old adage is still right … “If you don’t have anything nice to say about another then don’t say anything at all.”  (If I misquoted that well there you have it .)  
One last thought before I go crochet something … how many times do we speak ill of someone in front of our children?  I know I raised my children with a lot of my sarcasm and they all “got it” from me … for that I’m truly sorry … I know I can’t change it and saying I’m sorry doesn’t make it all better.  For that I ask God to help heal us as a family of sarcasm and let us be a family that can share the fruit of the spirit instead.  That is my wish for all of you too peace within your own heart, within your families and friendships that are blessings not subtle wars of wit that sting underneath all the laughter.  May you  be blessed with kindness one for another so that we truly would show the world we belong to Christ by our Love for one another. Let our Light (Christ in us) so shine in a dark and dying world.