I Can’t Sleep ~

Sleep.  It’s so good for you.  Except when it doesn’t come.  Especially when you know you have an early morning and you headed to bed early or at least on time!

I laid in bed, with my sleep apnea mask on, machine on and closed my eyes ready for sleep to overtake me.  Thoughts running through my mind.  Ut oh!  Thoughts are not supposed to be running through my mind!  At least not the entire time I’m waiting for sleep to overtake me!!!!

Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer & here I am at the end of another day writing.

I can’t share fully the thoughts that ran through my mind but I can share a few.

Like how we are supposed to die to self and take up our cross.  I was thinking about that a lot lately. Especially due to the fact that I’ve been sitting with a friend of our family who is slowly slipping from this life into the hereafter.  This process of dying can be so fast it takes you by surprise and you are ill equipped for the emotional aftermath.  And then there is the slow death which surprisingly enough takes it’s emotional toll on the care givers but in the end still you find yourself with an emotional aftermath that takes you by surprise!

In the first case, where death seems so merciful in its’ swiftness and you are left reeling from the shock of it all the loved one didn’t suffer or at least it’s easy to believe they didn’t suffer.   In the second case, where death takes its sweet time to arrive and snatch your loved one away from you if you are a care giver (even if you only attend to their needs for a little while throughout their lingering days) you may be aghast to find yourself praying for Gods mercy to be swifter in its arrival.  Not that you no longer value their life but it is so painful to witness their abilities leaving them. 

Okay so how does that enter into the whole process of “dying to self” and “take up your cross”?  Well I think that some issues in our personal journey with God (whether you believe in God or not you have a personal journey in the one case you actively seek to Know God while in the other case you will spend an eternity Knowing just who He is and why a relationship with Him would have benefited you) can die swiftly while others suffer a  S L O W & L I N G E R I N G death.  

Satan is like a vulture circling over head just waiting for you to succumb to death so he can pick your flesh away.   He picks and tears the flesh and enjoys his meal.  Leaving behind the bones to dry out right where he finds you.  

We have the power to LIVE in spite of the devils attempts to devour us.  He strikes most in our moments of weakness.  He searches for just the right time to strike and when he sees us at our most vulnerable he does all he can to knock us down and keep us down.   He wants to destroy us. 

However when WE DIE to SELF we are in the position of SURRENDERING to GOD!  In our surrendering to God we relinquish our control to His control.  In our dying to self we are allowing God to reign supreme in us.  In that place where we no longer struggle to ‘be in control’ but rather ask God to “be in control” we have entered into a safe place.  One where the things of this earth can no longer bother us.

Going back to the picture of a vulture devouring a dead body and I’m able to say this ~ if I’ve truly died to self then I don’t feel the weight of the vulture as he sits upon my carcass and picks away my flesh.  If I’ve truly died to self then I don’t have any pain as the strong talons of the vulture grab ahold of my flesh to perch upon me to his best vantage for his meal.  If I’ve truly died to self then the pain that must surely accompany the tearing away of my flesh as his beak digs in to me is in no way cause for alarm because I have risen above his attack. In that a dead body does NOT FEEL the things of this earth.  A dead body is DEAD.   But when we haven’t finished the process of “dying to self” we can are still very much ALIVE and  therefore we Feel the attack of the enemy so much that it weakens us.  We can feel the pain with each talon digging in for the feast. We can feel the suffocating weight of the vulture as he tears into our flesh.

I can honestly say I have not completely “died to self”.   And I am in the process.  And I am learning.

What I have learned so far on this journey through this life really is amazing.  GOD LOVES ME.  GOD LOVES YOU.   And that is more than enough to get you through  IF you BELONG TO HIM !

If you don’t belong to HIM (God) then you actually may not realize just how much the vulture has stolen from you.  If you don’t belong to HIM (God) then you may discover when it’s way too late what you were missing out on because this life here on earth is merely a beginning, and the death that we see around us is not the end but rather a “mere stepping stone” for a much longer life.  Because our physical death here on earth opens the gate on our the spiritual life we will have for ETERNITY which in case you are not aware is FOREVER, … as in NEVER ENDING!!!!!

So as I sit here writing out a small portion of my thoughts this evening (well now it’s the midnight hour) I wonder how many will ever read this and will it make any difference to the way they comprehend the Greatness of God, for while we were yet sinners HE LOVED US!!! Enough to send His ONLY SON that He would Die for us so we could be reconciled with God the Father and not perish but have Life Everlasting!!!!

I pray someone does read this and does become aware (or possibly more aware) of a Loving God who wants you to surrender to HIM and allow Him to be your guide as you journey here until the time He calls you to your heavenly home.  If you don’t belong to Him then you don’t have a Heavenly Home to be called to instead you have chosen (even if by default) to spend eternity with all of those who refused to believe on Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior in hell.   I pray you hear the truth of Gods Love for you and turn from your sin and accept HIM as YOUR Savior before your time on this earth is over.

May God speak so clearly that you can’t possibly ignore Him for another second!!!!