That said, the question then becomes why then am I a self saboteur? At first glance I really didn’t think I ever was the one sabotaging my journey. In fact I would have sworn I was innocent of that charge! But most recently I have discovered that the fact is I am a self saboteur. I know that carbohydrates when consumed in to high a quantity will set me into a carb overload frenzy. I also know that to break that cycle requires me to be more diligent to avoid that overload in the first place, that not happening then requires me to just stop eating and take full responsibility for what I am eating.
I seem to have been caught up in the idea that I could simply blame my weight on all of the issues I have rather than owning the fact that along with my health issues I still chose what I consume. Yes I still have health issues that make it harder to lose the weight however the weight can be conquered and brought under control if I stay on top of my food choices.
Unfortunately once I was derailed (and I do know exactly what derailed me, it was an error on the settings for my sleep apnea treatment) and hit a plateau that just didn’t seem to want to be broken ~ I s l o w l y fell only to crash & see my weight climbing back up!
Waking up to the realization that I have been my own worst enemy is by no means a small consolation, it means I have to stop myself from being self destructive. I have to really come to terms with I can live without whatever craving has hit my system at the moment. I have to walk away more than just the pounds!! I have to walk away from the cravings, I have to walk away from the underlying cause of my self destructiveness. I still haven’t come to terms with why I am a self saboteur along my journey but I can see my actions in a hold different light now that I recognize the destructive behaviors that work to keep me from my ultimate goals.
With the discovery comes new challenges. No longer can I state that all my weight problems were due to my health issues. No longer can I ignore the part I have in my weight not being healthy. No longer can I say, “I’ll walk it off tomorrow” because tomorrow may not be any easier to ignore the cravings I’ve allowed to run rampant. I can see how much I need to be completely committed to the journey. Not just when the journey is working! Even when I am diligent if the weight stays unhealthy I have to remain steady and continue on with my healthy choices instead of giving up! I had hit the plateau (seriously by no self destructive actions on my own it was a machine setting malfunction ~ and that is the bald truth) but once the plateau had shown it wasn’t moving for a while I stopped trying so hard. I basically gave up. I had the attitude, “it really doesn’t matter what I do since it isn’t working”. Now I realize that had I not given into that attitude I may not have to start the process all over again. I could have simply moved through the plateau and ended up in a healthier state. This realization hasn’t come too late. I can & I will be reaching my goal it just has taken me a little longer than I wanted. I have to begin my journey all over again to get the habits I had been living with back in control. And once they are well established I hope the results will follow like they did last time if not that won’t stop me from continuing in the path where my health drives my choices and my attitude will remain what is best for me rather than nothing works so why bother. I think sometimes that is how the enemy of our soul sabotages us on our spiritual journey. If he can’t get under our skin one way he attacks our underlying attitudes so that we give up. It’s so easy to give up when we think what we are doing isn’t working. And it is so easy to fall for the lies of the enemy when we are not keeping a healthy spiritual diet of time spent in prayer, in reading the Word of God and in just basking in His presence. Where do you stand today? Not yesterday, or last month or year but today? Do you find yourself growing busier and therefore have less time to spend with God? Do you find yourself getting weaker spiritually? Don’t let a “plateau” derail you! Don’t let a weak attitude keep you from entering into all that God has for you. Today is the day to move ahead in God, for yesterday is gone never to return and tomorrow isn’t here yet if it even arrives for we are not promised tomorrow! So move ahead with God today, close in with Him and listen to what He has to say to you. Be blessed and know that God Loves YOU don’t listen to the lies the enemy of your soul speaks to you!!!!
May God bless you today
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